


holly bears the crown

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Exhibitionism, F/M, First Meetings, Forced Orgasm, Four Seasons Total Landscaping (US Political RPF), Public Masturbation, References to Drugs, Verbal Humiliation, all for the love of houseplants, dumpster diving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:55:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27756502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: During her closing shift, Rey has to deal with a tall exhibitionist who dumpster dives behind the plant nursery.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	holly bears the crown

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Did I want to add a bizarre Reylo entry to an already dying meme AU tag? Why, yes, I did. And here you go.

It happened last night. Rey promised Rose that she’d take the last shift so that Rose could go home early for her birthday and get some rest. Little does Rose know, Rey thought with an internal cackle, that Kaydel and Jessika were lying in wait to bar hop and reap every single free birthday shot they could find in Cloud City. _Poor girl_.

Closing up the office of Four Seasons Total Landscaping was easy: account for everyone’s paper timecards for the day, close out the cash register, make sure all of the vehicles were ready for the next day, and throw away all the trash in the dumpster out behind the greenhouse.

Last night, Rey had one additional task: she had to replace the blades of two lawn edgers that Finn needed for a job tomorrow. He’d promised her a beer in return, so of course she was down to do something that should’ve only took five minutes. It ended up taking 25 when she realized some of the inner mechanics on the cheaper model were completely fucked and needed some adjustments. No matter. She’d still do it for a friend and a beer. After that, she had a single black bag of trash to chuck into the metal front load dumpster out back before she could lock everything up and get out of there. She’d still manage to get out of work by 20:30.

That’s when everything went to shit. Distracted by tone deafly shouting the lyrics to “Drunk in Love” by Beyonce while playing it over her headphones on blast and watching the last throes of the orange and purple sunset over the pine forest that spread out behind their building, Rey didn’t notice the man until it was too late.

The first things Rey noticed was that the five of the dying holly plants that she disposed of that morning because Finn forgot to water them for two months were neatly lined up in front of the dumpster. 

_Huh?_

Rey pulled out her ear buds and approached the dumpster cautiously. She heard the huffing of what sounded like…a large raccoon? Maybe?

_There’s something on the other side of the dumpster._

“Hello?”

Rey gave a start when he stumbled into view from behind the dumpster, paying no mind to who was standing in front of him. He was considerably tall, several inches over six feet, but what made him look so big was how _broad_ he was. Broad shoulders, broad chest, thick thighs. More notably however, was the mere fact that he was completely naked with his erect cock in his hand.

“ _Sir_ —”

He looked up and stared at her with an expressionless face. His pupils were blown to shit. He was on something.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled awkwardly, continuing to stroke. “Didn’t see you there but—almost there.”

That was _not_ the reaction Rey was expecting and her adrenaline deescalated quite quickly to her surprise. It was a nice looking dick, Rey had to admit. Uncut, veiny, and proportional in girth and length to the rest of him. The stranger was about to turn around when Rey interrupted him. 

“Don’t move. If you’re going to jack off behind _my_ store, you’re going to do it in front of me.”

“Okay,” he said in a small voice.

“You’re disgusting.”

He gave a small sob. “I know.” 

“An old man like you—”

He couldn’t have been much older than his mid-thirties.

“—getting thrills out of taking _my plants_ out of _my_ dumpster _—”_

Okay, not technically _her_ plants. Or _her_ dumpster.

“—and what, wanting to come on them?”

He shook his head miserably but increased the speed at which he stroked. He bit his lower lip as he did so and—

_Jesus Christ. He’s kinda attractive._

“Will a gross dumpster slut like you come for me instead?”

“Only—only if you tell me to.”

“Do it, then. Come for me.”

It took seven more strokes for him to blow a huge load on the ground with a suppressed moan. Rey pulled out her phone and turned on the flashlight to survey it.

 _Okay, not gonna lie…that was kinda hot?_ The unwanted revelation surprised her and grossed her out at the same time.

“Good boy. Now leave.” 

“The plants…?” He gave her a grief-stricken look despite the softening cock still in his hand. Despite the ridiculousness of the situation, Rey felt a strange kinship with this man who might be a fellow plant empath. Maybe it came from growing up in a desert, but Rey saw plants, especially houseplants meant to brighten up a drab space and bring joy to their new owner, as some of the most innocent things that this world had to offer.

“I’ll leave them here. Get them tomorrow morning before 6:30.”

The man gave a timid nod, grabbed a pair of jeans that Rey hadn’t noticed until then piled beside the dumpster, and ran into the woods.

_What a strange turn of events that turned out to be._

With a sigh of relief over nothing more occurring other than a quite weird indecent exposure, Rey threw her trash into the dumpster and went back inside.

***

The next morning, Rey overheard Plutt let out a stream of expletives on the phone from where he stood in the open air office that overlooked the greenhouse. She paused in her concentrated watering of the lot of potted pothos was that he desperate to sell before the end of the month and stood there with the green hose in hand and water still running.

“The president said _WHAT?_ Over… _Twitter?_ What’s Twitter?” Plutt shot Rey a confused look through the open air window and she shrugged in response. “Here? In my store…? It’s on the national news?”

Rey let out a squeak and ran to turn off the faucet when she realized she had drowned at least five plants.

“You think it’d be _funny?_ How about you tell _him_ to shove _his press conference_ up his ass. Good-BYE!” Plutt slapped the corded white phone down on its receiver with a satisfied anger and stomped out to the pothos lot to survey what made Rey panic.

With his hands on his hips, her boss gave a low whistle followed by, “Rey! What the hell!”

“I’m sorry, sir, I—”

“Trying to supplement the landscaping business with an indoor plant nursey was a fucking mistake,” Plutt grumbled mostly to himself as he began to pick through the lot to weed out the plants that he deemed were doomed to die, tenderly touching each plant’s soils to check to see how wet it was. “All the money is in succulents. Not pothos plants. Never again”

Rey watched as Plutt selected eight pots in total.

“See these, Rey?”

Rey nodded.

“Toss them in the dumpster.”

Rey’s heart gave a squeeze. It _hurt_ carry out their death sentence.

“I’ll do it at the end of my shift.”

“You do realize that this will come out of your paycheck, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

Not particularly caring too much about this conundrum, Plutt nodded and swore again as the phone went off again. He marched back and Rey, pretending to go inspect the bromeliads, got closer to the office.

“You’re a reporter for _what?_ And you want to talk to an employee here about this _Twitter—_ ” Plutt made air quotes to himself around the name—“thing? Mhm, mhm. Rey?”

“Yes, sir?”

“A reporter from some radio want to ask you about a press conference joke?”

“I can answer their questions.”

“Good, because they will be outside in 15 minutes.”

***

Plutt balked when a steel grey Aston Martin Vulcan parked in front of the building 15 minutes later. “What sort of fucking reporter drives that thing?”

“No idea, sir.”

“Well, go answer his questions then.”

Outside, Rey, in her soil-stained apron, threadbare work shirt, and ratty jeans, awkwardly approached the car and waited for the driver to roll down the tinted windows.

It was the man— _that_ man. The naked exhibitionist in the flesh, but now dressed in a neatly fitted suit. He stared at her for a few seconds with a ghostly pallor and terrified hazel eyes.

“ _You_ —“

“ _—I am so, so sorry,_ ” he interrupted in a low voice. “When I’m sober, I rehabilitate plants for fun and I occasionally dive for plants here because you don’t have security cameras. You caught me in the middle of a _very_ bad trip—I forgot to lock my back door and managed to get out. I got mixed up and came here. For—for your cooperation in making sure what happened last night stays under wraps, I will do _anything_ you say—I will pay whatever amount you ask of me—“

Rey’s laughter took him by surprise. He watched her double over in laughter and proceed to cough violently as she accidently choked on her own spit from her cackling. “It’s okay.”

“But—”

“No, _really,_ ” Rey paused to wipe her eyes. “It’s okay. I did something similar in during my sophomore year of college—you know—minus the…finale. But, no worries. I won’t expose you or anything. Well, perhaps on two conditions.”

“Yes?”

“First, I have eight pothos plants that I overwatered today. Can you save them?”

“…I can try.”

“Great. I’ll leave them by the dumpster tonight.”

The man nodded resolutely.

“Second, are you single?”

A muscle worked in his jaw. “I am.”

“Good. Then take me on a date.” Rey broke into a giant knowing grin. “I like white wine and oysters.”

“I—I can do that.”

“Well, then. Nice to meet you, dumpster diver.” She stuck out her hand. “Name’s Rey. Yours?”

The man reached out and took her hand in his.

“Ben.”


End file.
